you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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