Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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