If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I love having hate sex.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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