I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
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he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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