What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
