it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
