Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
