Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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