Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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