Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
