before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
