he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
