i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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