mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
