So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
