the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm like, not good at living.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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