I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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