When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize