i was born a porn star she said
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
as a side note pls kill me
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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