I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
