May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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