so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
