I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
