Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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