Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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