Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
