Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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