it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
