she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
