Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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