Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in