Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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