We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house