Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...

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  (410): To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor... http://tfl.nu/oppe
  Replies (3) Good night (1083) Bad night (484)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?

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  (202): Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way? http://tfl.nu/rhdn
  Replies (25) Good night (2671) Bad night (603)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..

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  (609): She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her.. http://tfl.nu/k827
  Replies (49) Good night (6792) Bad night (656)
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  (845): View more from New York

  he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.

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  (845): he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex. http://tfl.nu/a138
  Replies (60) Good night (2299) Bad night (7651)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation

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  (440): I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee (1-440): please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation http://tfl.nu/gydk
  Replies (78) Good night (6538) Bad night (7036)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"

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  (781): then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints" http://tfl.nu/ml68
  Replies (12) Good night (6459) Bad night (1035)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk

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  (843): four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk http://tfl.nu/6prh
  Replies (27) Good night (3440) Bad night (941)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.

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  (804): My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am. http://tfl.nu/wlcl
  Replies (5) Good night (2776) Bad night (1415)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.

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  (403): Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes. http://tfl.nu/co11
  Replies (12) Good night (3454) Bad night (1044)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy

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  (702): You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy http://tfl.nu/41n6
  Replies (11) Good night (4089) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  How do you feel?

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.

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  (970): How do you feel? (1-970): Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again. http://tfl.nu/th8n
  Replies (6) Good night (1007) Bad night (1535)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.

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  (314): So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body. http://tfl.nu/xsc0
  Replies (3) Good night (373) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  Tequila.

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  (479): Know anything about my roof collapsing last night? (1-479): Tequila. http://tfl.nu/3wq7
  Replies (0) Good night (698) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"

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  (602): you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food" http://tfl.nu/tcxp
  Replies (2) Good night (1078) Bad night (272)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You had 10 drinks. On a first date.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I just masterbated then started bawling.

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  (571): I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it (812): You had 10 drinks. On a first date. (571): I just masterbated then started bawling. http://tfl.nu/gbak
  Replies (2) Good night (393) Bad night (852)

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