I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.