Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.