so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
