im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
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So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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