Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just found out I have a small penis.

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?

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  (617): I just found out I have a small penis. (781): Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend? http://tfl.nu/6gqe
  Replies (23) Good night (507) Bad night (5316)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.

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  (515): there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up. (1-515): yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that. http://tfl.nu/isva
  Replies (9) Good night (2619) Bad night (716)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world

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  (972): Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world http://tfl.nu/83f8
  Replies (36) Good night (7197) Bad night (999)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"

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  (575): The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order" http://tfl.nu/htwe
  Replies (18) Good night (12664) Bad night (993) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.

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  (513): Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud. http://tfl.nu/fmdm
  Replies (96) Good night (13155) Bad night (2120) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.

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  (202): I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other. http://tfl.nu/g6xu
  Replies (24) Good night (4538) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.

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  (847): Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring. http://tfl.nu/5gh0
  Replies (3) Good night (1474) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.

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  (770): One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood. http://tfl.nu/oyug
  Replies (14) Good night (440) Bad night (2535)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.

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  (919): It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn. http://tfl.nu/o70k
  Replies (6) Good night (1100) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth

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  (705): I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth http://tfl.nu/7ynn
  Replies (12) Good night (1785) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
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  (209): View more from California

  I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.

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  (209): I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow. http://tfl.nu/kya1
  Replies (1) Good night (1126) Bad night (309) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom

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  (616): Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom http://tfl.nu/kxki
  Replies (3) Good night (1292) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.

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  (847): Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am. http://tfl.nu/1jpl
  Replies (7) Good night (861) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating

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  (310): We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating http://tfl.nu/6jwq
  Replies (17) Good night (731) Bad night (1353) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.

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  (617): Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea. http://tfl.nu/cuto
  Replies (1) Good night (339) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt

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