Texts From Last Night

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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.

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  (774): I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me. http://tfl.nu/t4sa
  Replies (9) Good night (662) Bad night (2784)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.

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  (440): Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family. http://tfl.nu/crmt
  Replies (17) Good night (4962) Bad night (642)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.

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  (774): the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break. http://tfl.nu/7zwe
  Replies (44) Good night (6107) Bad night (1124)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.

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  (269): I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck. http://tfl.nu/534s
  Replies (10) Good night (5526) Bad night (917)
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  (516): View more from New York

  We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.

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  (516): We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story. http://tfl.nu/mad1
  Replies (9) Good night (6294) Bad night (957)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.

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  (402): Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then. http://tfl.nu/941i
  Replies (24) Good night (5000) Bad night (1070)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...

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  (815): he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is... http://tfl.nu/ocys
  Replies (9) Good night (3179) Bad night (1233)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?

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  (309): Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away? http://tfl.nu/ex4f
  Replies (19) Good night (5031) Bad night (848)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?

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  (303): The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them? http://tfl.nu/7mcl
  Replies (3) Good night (676) Bad night (2351)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.

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  (269): I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax. http://tfl.nu/b5v2
  Replies (5) Good night (2562) Bad night (562)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.

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  (845): Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me. http://tfl.nu/ykh5
  Replies (8) Good night (466) Bad night (1607)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before

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  (615): I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before http://tfl.nu/iyr5
  Replies (0) Good night (534) Bad night (569)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.

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  (814): The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain. http://tfl.nu/8v87
  Replies (1) Good night (985) Bad night (343)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.

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  (228): She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics. http://tfl.nu/kvtj
  Replies (8) Good night (684) Bad night (1140)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.

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  (636): They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited. http://tfl.nu/jbhp
  Replies (0) Good night (612) Bad night (231)

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