Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my phone needs a breathalizer
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.