I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
