Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
