dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
