My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
