The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
