Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize