Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
