I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
