Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
