Your face is a jimmy john
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
