Screwed.edu
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So many bounce houses so little time
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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