I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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