Can i not drive my cunt home
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
