Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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