I will die if light touches me.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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