I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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