If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
