Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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