Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
