i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
