I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
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SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
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Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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