im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
