3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
