Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
