The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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