I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
pray to the hookup gods
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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