dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
