why didn't you poke me back
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
