I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
