More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
smell my finger.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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