I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
