my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
