I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
